instagram is eating me
im at that stage of waiting before doing something where you dont have enough time to do anything productive but it’s too early to leave (its 1:01, my train is at 1:35, the train station is 15 minutes away and if i drain my phone battery while at the station i’m fucked for the rest of the night) so i’ve decided to do something that could be construed as productive, but isn’t—— writing a blog nobody reads!!!!
today i have lots of thoughts but most of them are escaping me :( so im going to spout off. i want to discuss what i find chic, the nature of chicness, etc, but i don’t have quite enough time to give that the depth i think it deserves so this is my reminder to come back to that.
last night as i was scrolling aimlessly on insta i was like what the fuck am i doing?? i am staring at a screen (she says while typing, staring at a screen) and doing nothing when i could, instead, be taking a bath or learning to play guitar or singing or writing or doing all sorts of things that sort of require a screen to do. in my fit of panic i changed my screen into black and white as a desperate movement to END MY ADDICTION!!!!!!!!
it has worked…kind of??? i do really love color (as evident by this blog) so removing it has made things less appealing…but i still keep checking my phone non stop….
being so dependent on my phone is so boringgg it’s so lame it’s so ew. i hate it. but it’s hard to, i dont know, not be on my phone because hey, that’s how i get in contact with my friends! that’s how i write! that’s how i connect to the world and scan qr codes at restauarants (fuck any restauarant that does that, bring back menus) and unfortunately i long to be an artist and in this age that means u need to be on social media
i deleted tiktok and letterboxd and such but instagram has its little claws in me. i cant really do anything about that right now. i kind of need it. i feel like i should delete pinterest but it both helps and enrages me.
i will meditate on this further. cook up a plan
i’ve run every day this week, though
that counts for something!!!!
april 19th, 2025