Beer

its twenty past midnight and i haven’t slept more than ten hours total since thursday. my head hurts worse than it has in a very long time because (other than being obviously sleep deprived) i have been stressed as fuck and the weather has been unbearably hot. i thought i’d talk about my weekend since i eluded to it in the previous blog.

well i went to go pick up my good friend from gare de l’est, along with his friend he brought along with him (we became fast friends, me and him!) and i spent the day toting them around paris and drinking a bit too much. i haven’t really been a drinker til recently. somebody told me they remembered me liking beer. i found this ridiculous because beer tastes like shit and i’ve always thought so. i told him he had me confused with somebody else. there’s no other explenation!

i saw an old friend thursday night. it was nice. its strange seeing people from your past. though id like him to stay in my life. i’ve had many people removed from it recently, perhaps to make room for relationships that i’ve previously neglected? that’s a comforting thought to me. that perhaps loss is only there to make room for new growth. i try to make sense of my grief. i’m reaching for something living, warm, tangible. i’ll take a metaphor, instead.

anyways, i was hung over on friday. i felt too sick to eat until dinnertime. we played cards as the sun beat down on us and had italian food as it finally set. cosmopolitans while it began to thunder. mother nature has not been on our side.

saturday i said goodbye to my friends by getting drunk by the river. well, i got drunk. not eating, then drinking half a bottle of rosé will do that to you! i was told multiple times to slow down on my smoking. get healthier coping mechanisms, one friend suggested. i wish i’d thought of that! sorry, i’ve got the right to be a little bit sassy on here. i’ve also got the right to treat my immune system like i’ve got a spare one in the freezer. maybe tasteless, considering. i find it funny, though.

i met the same friend from thursday night for coffee. we played cards, drank more wine (he drank beer, i would never) and then i met my friends for yet another drink. the only thing my wallet has touched this weekend was the bar card scanner and the fucking tabac. okay yeah maybe i need to start drinking matcha or whatever it is that people who care about aging and longevity do. yoga or aerobics or something like that. i’m sure i would feel better if i did. but i probably won’t.

leaving paris is hard. it feels like i’m leaving my home every time. i got bad news today. i get bad news every few days it seems. life feels a bit like a dream right now. not in the sappy, heartsick way. not in a nightmare way, either. just unreal, a bit foggy. like that one episode of twin peaks when the man from another place dances and speaks backward.

the gum you like will come back in style…………

wow i am so tired i feel stoned. my body feels like it is being gently lifted by the nape of my neck. like i’m a baby dog. a puppy. not sure why i said baby dog holy shit lets get to bed, baby.

but i was watching videos i took last summer on my camera and realizing how very lovely that girl had it. she was happy, too! and i’m glad. i’m not even unhappy now. i’m not really anything.

i think this is the reason this blog is not explicitly advertised. i yap way too fucking much and none of it makes sense. its a whole lot of nothing.

i have to sleep or i’ll die

i love the smell of beer, though, on skin. it smells like comfort to me. like a cool, soft mattress on a hot summer day.