i keep seeing your name on coke bottles

i went to the city to escape you and you lingered on every corner i turned. i thought that was you down every street

i talk to the man at the cafe with a space between his teeth. he lets me off without paying. i wait . wait for the catch

i take a train

the grocery store is nearly empty by this part of night. my headphones have died so the noise returns. the white noise, angel murmur, whatever religious zealots could call it

i’m becoming reliant on my great grandfathers bible in my bedroom and the virgin around my neck. because i saw you in my dream, its where you live now

i want to show you photographs of big fucking dogs and my beautiful friends and i want to smell you, be held by you, to feel you, to know you exist cause u don’t

you’re instead red plastic thin around a bottle of cinnamon mystery liquid. yes!! i keep seeing your name on coke bottles everywhere i go im seeing your smile in actresses who glitter on the globe i’m seeing your fine lines in sidewalk cracks on hot summer days

my anger is unpalatable i cannot funnel it into anything. this city stopped being mine cause i can’t go home here any longer i have to catch a train and i can’t lose myself in a bottle of wine and jazz til midnight when the last train is at ten

i want only the things impossible to have