this is me lying to you

the summer ended in caffeine dregs at the bottom of my cup i don’t think i like my hometown any longer but when i think too hard about it i have had to stop indulging in the things i might adore because i think i’m scaring others i think i’m scaring myself. nobody dreams like me nobody eats dreams the way i do i wish everybody was tied down and forced to tell me what they dream of. i try to dream the worst of them all i dont want to be shocked anymore

please!don’t telephone me past two after i’ve gone home after shrugging off my sequins and showering off the smell of your cologne and marlboro golds. im sorry but you can’t see it clearly you can’t see in the folded lining of my eyes there’s something lacking/missing…never there/nonexustent . i know you had a hard life because you told me i was the nicest girl you’ve ever met. i’m sorry

don’t wait up past mid-afternoon cause i’ve caught a flight down to california where i’ve always wanted to go and spend real quality time. cause all my memories of california are through a childs eyes and my blurry versions of skid row and pearl cold water i just want to know if they were true. i want to know if i could live again where the sun shines three hundred days a year or if i’m forever lizard-frozen to the windshield of the afternoon

yes i love blood on concrete and i think often of the kid running sand between his fingertips and holding my gaze because he knew i didn’t like it and he liked to watch the goosebumps raise along my skin and nausea in my smile……so yes i love blood on sandy concrete and i love silver.i love blue. stop signing your letters saying i love you. this is me lying to you